I'm quite often asked if my successful behaviour management techniques are about control.
A woman walked by my house a couple of days ago with a beautiful border collie. She was having a great deal of trouble getting the dog to walk on the lead - in fact it sat down and refused to move - it wanted to go the other way. The lady pulled at the lead, the dog resisted, slipped its collar and turned to run towards a busy road. Panic... she shouted the dog and luckily, although it didn't return to her it sat down, allowing her to put the collar back on. Try again - failed again. This was getting dangerous. Wrong place, wrong equipment, wrong tactics. It could have led to carnage. So what did she do? She gave in and walked the dog back up the road in the direction it had wanted to go. Not a very good lesson for the dog. The woman didn't have control of the dog and without it the dog wasn't safe.
Driving in town a week or so ago a woman was at the edge of the road with a pram and two young children walking with her, one either side of the pram. One of the children ran into the middle of the road. Luckily I wasn't travelling fast and had my wits about me and stopped in plenty of time, but I could have been in la-la land (and who isn't sometimes when you're driving?). Again it could have been disaster. But what was the woman to do? Leave the other child and pram at the road side to retrieve the runner? Push the pram and other child into the road too? Scream? What? Her options were fairly limited and all with inbuilt dangers... again the adult didn't have control of the situation and this put 3 children in danger.
The question I raised earlier was to ask if control is the basis of effectively managing children's behaviour. And the answer? Yes it is about control but controlling in the correct way.
There seems to be a problem with the concepts of disciplining and controlling children. It is claimed that it limits children's development, expression and imagination. Small children are seen frequently roaming in streets, shops, parks, close to water - adults are near but not always fully attentive or close enough to step in if something should happen. Why is it considered to be so inhibiting for children to be attached physically to adults (reins?) until they're old enough to have some freedom safely?
Let me say that the child that ran into the road wouldn't have developed much further if he or she had been hit by my car! The development of expression and imagination wouldn't have progressed much further! And as for the dog and the out of control owner - it would have been under a truck - not a good result!
Well children have changed, people say. No they haven't - it's the adults attitude to the raising of children that has changed...
Part of growing up is to learn how the world works and this enables children to develop emotionally and socially. Where do children look for advice and guidance? To adults. Until they learn (are trained) in these important lessons they aren't able to function independently or confidently. Discipline is simply another word for training. Without it we end up with adolescents behaving like 3 year olds, unable to show any self control when the world doesn't go their way.
So, what's my message about controlling children and its place in effective discipline and behaviour management? It's a strong message - until a child has self control, it has to be controlled. That's it, pure and simple.
However, it is equally important that the correct ways to control and discipline are employed. Children have to be encouraged to be self controlled, independent and confident. Effective behaviour management techniques can be easily learned by anyone. In Behaviour Bible you can read, put into practise and use consistently the techniques I have developed and used successfully with the most demanding behaviour. - 30535
A woman walked by my house a couple of days ago with a beautiful border collie. She was having a great deal of trouble getting the dog to walk on the lead - in fact it sat down and refused to move - it wanted to go the other way. The lady pulled at the lead, the dog resisted, slipped its collar and turned to run towards a busy road. Panic... she shouted the dog and luckily, although it didn't return to her it sat down, allowing her to put the collar back on. Try again - failed again. This was getting dangerous. Wrong place, wrong equipment, wrong tactics. It could have led to carnage. So what did she do? She gave in and walked the dog back up the road in the direction it had wanted to go. Not a very good lesson for the dog. The woman didn't have control of the dog and without it the dog wasn't safe.
Driving in town a week or so ago a woman was at the edge of the road with a pram and two young children walking with her, one either side of the pram. One of the children ran into the middle of the road. Luckily I wasn't travelling fast and had my wits about me and stopped in plenty of time, but I could have been in la-la land (and who isn't sometimes when you're driving?). Again it could have been disaster. But what was the woman to do? Leave the other child and pram at the road side to retrieve the runner? Push the pram and other child into the road too? Scream? What? Her options were fairly limited and all with inbuilt dangers... again the adult didn't have control of the situation and this put 3 children in danger.
The question I raised earlier was to ask if control is the basis of effectively managing children's behaviour. And the answer? Yes it is about control but controlling in the correct way.
There seems to be a problem with the concepts of disciplining and controlling children. It is claimed that it limits children's development, expression and imagination. Small children are seen frequently roaming in streets, shops, parks, close to water - adults are near but not always fully attentive or close enough to step in if something should happen. Why is it considered to be so inhibiting for children to be attached physically to adults (reins?) until they're old enough to have some freedom safely?
Let me say that the child that ran into the road wouldn't have developed much further if he or she had been hit by my car! The development of expression and imagination wouldn't have progressed much further! And as for the dog and the out of control owner - it would have been under a truck - not a good result!
Well children have changed, people say. No they haven't - it's the adults attitude to the raising of children that has changed...
Part of growing up is to learn how the world works and this enables children to develop emotionally and socially. Where do children look for advice and guidance? To adults. Until they learn (are trained) in these important lessons they aren't able to function independently or confidently. Discipline is simply another word for training. Without it we end up with adolescents behaving like 3 year olds, unable to show any self control when the world doesn't go their way.
So, what's my message about controlling children and its place in effective discipline and behaviour management? It's a strong message - until a child has self control, it has to be controlled. That's it, pure and simple.
However, it is equally important that the correct ways to control and discipline are employed. Children have to be encouraged to be self controlled, independent and confident. Effective behaviour management techniques can be easily learned by anyone. In Behaviour Bible you can read, put into practise and use consistently the techniques I have developed and used successfully with the most demanding behaviour. - 30535
About the Author:
Liz Marsden successfully manages children's out of control behaviour every working day. You can take advantage of her expertise and skills in her book, Behaviour Bible where she gives you the same invaluable advice that she uses herself and teaches to teachers, students and support workers. Read about her daily classroom encounters and gain gain further insight into her work.
