Have you ever wondered how it is that there is a certain type of character, narcissistic to the core, almost comically over confidant and smug, who despite a lack of talent or virtue, seems to coast through life, achieving far more than those who surpass them in every way. From my time living in Budapest, I still have a fond recollection of a pair of stories reported in the local paper, which speak to this topic.
In the first story, a young woman was out for a run in a residential area in the southern part of Pest. Out of nowhere, she was set upon by a vicious German Shepherd, bounding towards her with murderous intent in its eyes. The dog chased her for several blocks and would have mauled her had she not changed course, jumped a fence, ran across a park and jumped into the Danube. Fortunately, for our heroine, it was winter, and the dog having an aversion to cold water, elected not to pursue her. When the police finally tracked down the owner of the dog, a pensioner who had moved back from the USA to live out his autumn years in his motherland, his only comment was to refer to the unfortunate woman as a silly bitch who lacked enough sense to climb a telephone pole.
The second story in the newspaper involved a businessman who set up an old construction crane on a bridge which spans the Tisza River and hung from it a bungee cord. He went into business, offering the opportunity to try bungee jumping from his crane, and his first customer was a middle-aged man named Akos, who had a reputation as something of a daredevil. As well as being the business' first customer, Akos had the singular distinction of also being its last. When he jumped from the bridge the stress exerted brought the crane down on top of him. By a miracle he survived his injuries and was expected to make a full recovery, with time.
As absurd and tragic comedic as these stories may appear, they are very real portraits of players in action.
Top talk of "denial" tends to conjure up the image of something unwanted or unpleasant, yet the truth is that we all live in denial - it is a useful regulator acting on our minds. Denial allows for dissociation, and for it to work we must, ironically enough, deny its very existence as part of our own psychological make-up. Denial allows us to avoid seeing what we do not want to see, allowing us to remain secure in our beliefs and free from any disconcerting challenges we might otherwise experience in the course of our lives. For the Players, the influence of denial is so great that it cannot be counteracted. The Players come to inhabit their own alternate reality in which facts are denied and replaced to suit them. Whereas the rest of us retain some sense of fixed ideas which transcend all else, the object of a Player's denial is constantly in flux.
We can illustrate the effect of denial with the example of the paedophile. The terrible acts committed by Paedophiles sit incongruously with the image they often present to the world of respectability and virtue. To a paedophile, however, the two states are not mutually exclusive - by denying the horror of what they do, they embrace the value of what they pretend to be. It should come as no surprise to us that they often disguise themselves in the vestments of the priesthood. Even when brought to justice, many paedophiles see themselves as the wronged parties. They are narcissistic, and therefore difficult to rehabilitate. So convinced are they of their own virtue, and so convincingly do they portray it, that it becomes difficult to know when, if ever, they are truly repentant.
Entitlement and vindictiveness are central to the narcissistic personality. They are really two sides of the same coin. Narcissists feel naturally entitled to anything they desire. In fact, in their inner world, desires would be elevated to needs and rights. One of these is the right to always come out on top; to always win!
Gratitude does not figure in the narcissist philosophy. They are eternally greedy, and when their greed is not satisfied they become outraged and turn against their former allies. This is the vindictive trait which narcissists all possess, and if left unchecked, it can develop into a grudge which will sustain and control them for years to come.
And so we learn that Players are motivated by the need to win and to win big, as well as to look good while doing so. They believe themselves the supreme beings and consider themselves entitled to have their greed sated, yet that greed is insatiable, and so they go on yearning for more, unable to accept compromise or sacrifice a lesser goal to achieve a greater one. This makes them ultimately immovable. - 30535
In the first story, a young woman was out for a run in a residential area in the southern part of Pest. Out of nowhere, she was set upon by a vicious German Shepherd, bounding towards her with murderous intent in its eyes. The dog chased her for several blocks and would have mauled her had she not changed course, jumped a fence, ran across a park and jumped into the Danube. Fortunately, for our heroine, it was winter, and the dog having an aversion to cold water, elected not to pursue her. When the police finally tracked down the owner of the dog, a pensioner who had moved back from the USA to live out his autumn years in his motherland, his only comment was to refer to the unfortunate woman as a silly bitch who lacked enough sense to climb a telephone pole.
The second story in the newspaper involved a businessman who set up an old construction crane on a bridge which spans the Tisza River and hung from it a bungee cord. He went into business, offering the opportunity to try bungee jumping from his crane, and his first customer was a middle-aged man named Akos, who had a reputation as something of a daredevil. As well as being the business' first customer, Akos had the singular distinction of also being its last. When he jumped from the bridge the stress exerted brought the crane down on top of him. By a miracle he survived his injuries and was expected to make a full recovery, with time.
As absurd and tragic comedic as these stories may appear, they are very real portraits of players in action.
Top talk of "denial" tends to conjure up the image of something unwanted or unpleasant, yet the truth is that we all live in denial - it is a useful regulator acting on our minds. Denial allows for dissociation, and for it to work we must, ironically enough, deny its very existence as part of our own psychological make-up. Denial allows us to avoid seeing what we do not want to see, allowing us to remain secure in our beliefs and free from any disconcerting challenges we might otherwise experience in the course of our lives. For the Players, the influence of denial is so great that it cannot be counteracted. The Players come to inhabit their own alternate reality in which facts are denied and replaced to suit them. Whereas the rest of us retain some sense of fixed ideas which transcend all else, the object of a Player's denial is constantly in flux.
We can illustrate the effect of denial with the example of the paedophile. The terrible acts committed by Paedophiles sit incongruously with the image they often present to the world of respectability and virtue. To a paedophile, however, the two states are not mutually exclusive - by denying the horror of what they do, they embrace the value of what they pretend to be. It should come as no surprise to us that they often disguise themselves in the vestments of the priesthood. Even when brought to justice, many paedophiles see themselves as the wronged parties. They are narcissistic, and therefore difficult to rehabilitate. So convinced are they of their own virtue, and so convincingly do they portray it, that it becomes difficult to know when, if ever, they are truly repentant.
Entitlement and vindictiveness are central to the narcissistic personality. They are really two sides of the same coin. Narcissists feel naturally entitled to anything they desire. In fact, in their inner world, desires would be elevated to needs and rights. One of these is the right to always come out on top; to always win!
Gratitude does not figure in the narcissist philosophy. They are eternally greedy, and when their greed is not satisfied they become outraged and turn against their former allies. This is the vindictive trait which narcissists all possess, and if left unchecked, it can develop into a grudge which will sustain and control them for years to come.
And so we learn that Players are motivated by the need to win and to win big, as well as to look good while doing so. They believe themselves the supreme beings and consider themselves entitled to have their greed sated, yet that greed is insatiable, and so they go on yearning for more, unable to accept compromise or sacrifice a lesser goal to achieve a greater one. This makes them ultimately immovable. - 30535
About the Author:
John Berling Hardy, tired of watching people being entrapped has committed himself with providing people the tools with which they can set their own course in life. For more of his writings please visit www.playingtheplayers.com
